To continue....

I don’t know being what age does it for people, but being what I am right now has done it for me. Or maybe this is happening just to me and has never happened to anyone else. I don’t even quite realise how it happened. Was it building up over a period of time or was it just a moment of sudden realisation? I am not too sure. All I do know is that I feel like life is passing me by and am doing precious little with it.

If I don’t watch out I will never even come close to doing those million things-big and small- that I figured I would do (or in some cases try to do) at some point of time in my life……… write a book, visit Italy, be on a reality TV show, skydive, learn to drive, win the Nobel prize………even as I figured that I had all the time in the universe..... I was in no hurry. I could start tomorrow. So, I just put my feet up and watched a rerun of “Friends”, probably for the 73rd time.

But, now it all feels so wrong. I know that I can’t afford to behave like that any more. It, for some reason, feels very now or never when it comes to all of life’s ambitions. I have got to do something about my life…… I have got to make every moment count…. and I feel this very strongly.

Suddenly, I am questioning every single action of mine. Should I really be shopping? Should I be participating in quizzes that I have no reasonable chance of winning? Should I be writing a blog that is read by three people? Could I not be doing something better with my time? Something more “meaningful”? The only problem is that, often, I am not too sure what this “better” way of spending my time is.

Sometimes I just feel paralysed by all the thinking and so completely spent that I can hardly do anything. At the end of the day, I would have done absolutely nothing- not even watched reruns-and just just given myself furious headaches, raging insomnia and pushed myself into hopeless depression. But, somehow this misery feels like the first step to doing something meaningful in life. I just have to figure out what that means....