The blog about nothing

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Fourth umpire

My good friend VinodG, actually not so much good friend as distant acquaintance and better quizzer, but good friend sounds much nicer, has been trashing "fair & lovely fourth umpire" on a regular basis in his blog (which btw totally rocks). I think he is not being fair to the show. I also think he spends way too much time watching the show and is clearly fascinated by it and who knows possibly even Roshni Chopra. He is merely attempting to hide all this with his energetic trashing of the show at every opportunity. But this is purely an aside.

Coming back to what I was saying, I have watched it from time to time and I was so jobless the last weekend that I watched it pre and post match, not to mention at lunch and tea break. It is so bad that it is quite compelling. Something like "Gigli". Seriously, it has provided some memorable moments for me. The start of the show when they show umpire-by-umpire, first, second, third and then fourth is hilarious, no matter how many times I see it.

It is not just all laughter though. I have been a life long fan of the thrills generated by the horror genre. But no book so far, no film, provided me with a moment of horror as did this fascinating piece of television. No, it has nothing to do with Roshni Chopra’s wardrobe. It happened when I was watching the match wrap up subsequent to the Kolkata test win. Jimmy Amarnath was asked for his views on the situation.

I watched as Jimmy slowly started to sing "sare jahan se accha...". That was bad enough. But, it was truly the finest moment of horror I experienced at the point that I had thought he had finished with "hindustan hamara". Jimmy, clearly, is not a man to that can be stopped easily. He went so far as "hum bul bul hain iski, yeh gulistan hamara". I watched with bated breath, will he go further? And more importantly, is there anything further? Mercifully, it stopped there. But, I look forward to more of fourth umpire fun during the coverage of the ODIs.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Company culturals

We are having an annual event in my company, which for the want of anything better I call " company culturals". Actually that is precisely what it is. A number of people reacted with surprise when it came up in the conv. My sister did not quite say "What the fuck?", but that is because she does not use that sort of language. " Culturals!! what is this a school or college?!". That was my brother.

One friend could not control his mirth when I told him about it. Apparently he could not control it even afterwards. He sent me an SMS a minute later that went "hohoho....company culturals....hehehe..." followed by another that went "hoohoohoohoo..." two minutes later and another one that went "hehehehe..." a minute later. Is it really that unusual or strange for any corporate entity to do something like this? Probably yes, this is the first time I have heard of anything like this too.

Anyway, it is all quite fime by me. I think it is a great idea even. There is much "performing arts" talent in the company. The problem however is that they are trying to force me to be part of it. HR informed me that I would doing the part of a patient in a skit and asked me to report for rehearsals on a Saturday morning. The phone was disconnected before I could protest. I went because I was a little bit curious (and also because I had actually woken up as early as 10 a. m). Who would not be, when told that they could be a part of a play called "jigu jigu bootham" (in tamil obviously).

The talented young playwright, who has honed his playwrighting skills in one of the city's more disreputable colleges, has envisaged the whole the thing a series of PJs that lasts about half hour. I have some pretty unbelievable lines as the patient. Sample this, patient has cuts and gashes in her mouth.
Doc: What did you eat?
Pat: A bottle of jam.
Doc: Why would that cause any cuts?
Pat: I was so hungry after a two day fast, I ate the bottle too.
Pat: My son swallowed a whole bunch of coins how can I get it out?
Doc: Swipe an ATM card on his tongue and it should come out.
Believe me, it is not like the humour was lost in translation!! Clearly, this is not the sort of thing to spring on a neophyte actor.

It does not look too great as it is right now but I did find something quite funny. The "asst director" was trying hard to fix the sense of logic in a scene involving a "bootham" and a bottle eating woman with a coin eating son!! Now, that was hilarious!!

Monday, March 07, 2005

Good ol' sporting Melbourne

The F1 GP in Australia over the weekend attracted a lot of attention here due to the presence of local lad Narain Karthikeyan in the competition. But, I was too busy brimming with nostalgia at the sights and sounds of good ol’ Melbourne. This is a great city when it comes to sporting action. It has played host to the biggest sporting spectacle on the planet, the Olympics, in 1956 and has an action packed calendar of events every year.

The year starts off with first Tennis Grand Slam, the Australian Open. The Grand Slam of the Asia/Pacific is played for a fortnight mainly at the Rod Laver Arena and Vodafone Arena. Australia has a fine tradition in the sport and tennis enjoys a good following here. There is nothing approaching Wimbledon style Henmania, but Melbourne boy, Mark Philippoussis enjoys a strong support from the crowds. The Australian exhortative cry of “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie” which is followed by the chant “oi, oi, oi” in the exact same beat as the first cry, rings through the stadium during his matches.

The next major event of the year is Formula one racing. The Grand Prix came to Melbourne in 1996 when it shifted from Adelaide. The inner city open spaces of Albert Park are converted to a scenic track every year to host the race since then. It is a four-day carnival of speed and glamour (three practice/warm up days followed by the race on the Sunday) in the first weekend of March. The race in Melbourne is season opener and sets the tone for results to come in that season.

But it is Australian Rules Football or “Footy” as it is called that gets Melbourne going. This game was conceived by MCC honorary secretary and cricketer T.W.Wills in 1858 as a suitable pastime to keep cricketers fit during winter. Due to the risk of injury because of the nature of the game, rugby was considered unsuitable. The objective was to devise a game of football in which the ball would be in the air more and a set of rules that gave birth to the game of footy were created.

Footy many not be an International sport but it is the firm favourite with Melburnians. Ten of the sixteen teams in the competition belong to the city. The season stretches for a good part of the year, starting in late March and ending with the Grand Finale in September. With games being on all weekends and holidays, every weekend is a sporting weekend for six months through the year. The Grand Finale is a must attend event for die-hard fans. An amazing 121,000 people watched the 1970 decider between Carlton and Collingwood at the Melbourne Cricket Ground (MCG) far exceeding the 87,000 strong crowd that were present in the stadium for the Cricket world cup finals in 1992.

Melbourne celebrates two sporting events, Cup Day and the Boxing Day test match, with a traditional fervour normally reserved for religious events in other parts of the world. Melbourne cup day is a special Tuesday for the city featuring the “race that stops a nation”. This race marks the high point of the spring horse racing carnival. At 3:10 pm AEST (Australian Eastern Standard Time) on the first Tuesday in November, an official holiday in Melbourne, for about four minutes the nation pauses all activity to catch the action live, at a pub on TV or on radio. The first Melbourne Cup was run in 1861 at Flemington racecourse and every year since then it has been a fine Melbourne sporting tradition.

During the racing season fashion, glamour and celebrity watching takes centre stage. The women brave the spring chill and the sharp unpredictable showers, which are a standard feature of the local weather, to display the latest fashion. Milliners make their fortune in those few days alone as outrageous headgear, ascot style, is de rigueur. The spirit of the season was captured by Mark Twain who commented during a visit "Nowhere in the world have I encountered a festival of people that has such a magnificent appeal to the whole nation. The Cup astonishes me."

The Boxing Day cricket test match commences on December 26th every year at the MCG. As a sporting tradition the Boxing Day test match is relatively young. The match date at the MCG was not set and some times even two matches were played in a summer series. It was a doozy of an encounter played between Australia and West Indies out in a match that started on that day in 1981, which made it find its place as a true Australian sporting tradition. (Obviously Australia was the winner of that match)

Boxing day is one of the earliest days of summer after a long winter. The crowd content after the previous days’ Christmas barbeques and happy in the knowledge that long holidays stretch ahead fills the stadium to bask in the glorious warmth of sunshine. It is a day that almost inevitably has a “God is in heaven and all’s right with the world” feel irrespective of what transpires in the stadium. But, this is usually the third match in the series being played that summer and is often an interesting encounter as its result matter a lot.

Apart from the regular events, Davis cup fixtures are routine, a number of rugby matches were played here during the last World Cup and the action continues as Melbourne prepares for the Commonwealth games in 2006.

The best part of it all is the sheer affordability of catching some of this action live. You won’t get creamed paying for strawberries and cream here. I managed well enough even as a reasonably impecunious student living on a strictly limited allowance. Given the most reasonable prices to be a part of world-class events, Melbourne is a sports lovers’ dream come true. And that is one of the many reasons why it is vastly superior to Sydney.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

“Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind”, which I truly disliked, received an Oscar for writing, original screenplay, (screenplay by Charlie Kaufman; story by Charlie Kaufman & Michel Gondry & Pierre Bismuth). I had been discussing it a while back………

G: How in heaven's name did you not like Eternal Sunshine?!
M: Because it sucks
G: What utter rot.
M Charlie Kauffman is a pretentious son of a what not
G: I am no fan of his previous stuff. I thought Being John Malkovich etc. were exactly that - pretentious. But this isn't. Not by a long, long shot.
M: It is that, gimmicky, acting is weak
M and nobody is called Clementine
M that scene in the bus eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeow
G: That's a fairly silly objection to lob at the movie. That nobody is called Clementine.
G And what bus?!
M: that was just in passing
M I objected to the name Joel too when I realised I had a friend called that
M when they meet
G That is a train!
M I thought it was a bus?
M: whichever
G: Train, for sure.
M that is not the point
G: And it's a great film. Really, really good. Not at all Kaufmanesque.
G: Much less cynicism, much more feeling, much less clever-dick antics.
G: And proper interpersonal dynamics...I thought JC and KW were very good.
M: I did not care for them. I did not see why they were in love.
M: But, the theme was fantastic, it had infinite possibilities, I certainly loved the part about wanting to forget and yet quite not wanting to/being able to, should strike a chord in one and all
G: It's No. 32 in IMDB top 250
G Man, I so disagree with you, its a fantastic film.
M: If you like pretentious crap, yes
M: and that narcoleptic “Pope Alexander” from Kirsten Dunst
M: eeeeeeeeeeeeowwwwwwwwww
G: Well, she was actually supposed to be stoned at the time, in case you didn't get that.
M: she seems stoned all the time in all movies
M :I had too an important gripe about its failing on being observant about the human memory
G: What failing?
M: this is hilarious: but I can't seem to remember, I might have some notes somewhere
G: The more it sinks in, the more I'm convinced this film rocks.
M: You are stoned too; it is the medication that you have been on, see it on a good day again

I know that screaming eeeeeeeeeowwwww does not constitute proper film criticism. But, it was so gimmicky (how did I not see that coming with a title like that?!), I cannot help it.

Does anyone know any Clementines?